Caring for One Another: 8 Ways to Cultivate Meaningful Relationships
By Edward T. Welch
Lesson 1
With All Humility
Our helpfulness—our care for souls—starts with our need for care. We need God, and we need other people. Maturity through dependence is our goal. As a way to put this humility to the test, we ask for prayer. This will contribute to a church culture that is less selfprotective and more united.
Imagine—an interconnected group of people who entrust themselves to each other. You can speak of your pain, and someone responds with compassion and prayer. You can speak of your joys, and someone shares in them with you. You can even ask for help with sinful struggles, and someone prays with you, offers hope and encouragement from Scripture, and sticks with you until sin no longer seems to have the upper hand. There is openness, freedom, friendship, bearing burdens together, and giving and receiving wisdom. No trite responses. And Jesus is throughout it all.
We want more of this.
As we come to Jesus, he has forgiven and washed us so that we can speak openly without shame, he has loved us so that we can love him and others freely, and he has given us wisdom and power from his Spirit so that we can help each other in ways that build up and give hope. In his honor and in his strength we want to grow into a wonderfully interdependent, wise, loving body of Christ—one in which we can help each other in times of trouble.
The Apostle Paul Makes Humility a Priority
In Ephesians 3, Paul actually prayed that we would be this kind of community (vv. 14–21). He also taught us how to do it:
I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. (Eph. 4:1–3)
Augustine wrote, “That first way [to truth] is humility; the second way is humility, and the third way is humility.”1 If humility does not precede our wisdom and help, our efforts are meaningless. Paul, it seems, would agree. Life in Christ starts with humility.
Humility simply acknowledges our many sins and limitations, and it responds with, “I need Jesus, and I need other people.” It is an attractive package that includes trust in God’s control, confidence in the Lord’s forgiveness and love, and an openness that comes not from having to be someone but from resting in Jesus. It turns out that the simple acknowledgment of our neediness and weakness opens a door to the grace of God where we find confidence, peace, security, wisdom, strength, and freedom in him.
Humility Leads to Prayer
One way to put humility to work is this: ask someone to pray for you. God has established his kingdom on earth in such a way that we must ask for help. We ask the Lord for help, and we ask other people. Until we see him faceto- face, God works through his Spirit and his people.
It only sounds simple. It is one thing to ask the Lord for help. Even if our faith is especially weak, we have heard that he invites and hears our cries for help (Ps. 62:8), and we are willing to risk a little openness before him. It is something much different to ask a friend. Our pride resists being vulnerable. Even more, if you have ever confided in someone and received comments that were hurtful or less than supportive, you might have decided on the spot never to let that happen again, which means that you keep your troubles to yourself. This selfprotective strategy might seem effective in the short run. It is not, however, how God created us to be with each other, so it will eventually lead to misery rather than safety. We opt instead for a better way. The process of asking for prayer is outlined below.
Identify Trouble in Your Life
Trouble is always knocking at the door. The list of troubles usually includes money, work, relationships, health, and matters specifically connected to our knowledge of Jesus and how to live for and with him.Connect a Particular Trouble with Scripture
When you connect your troubles with Scripture, you are joining your life to the promises, graces, and commands of God. It takes time to develop this skill because there is so much Scripture, but you probably have the gist of what God says:“Sometimes I find it hard to even pray for difficult things in my life. Would you pray that I know— deeply, in my heart—that God cares and invites me to pour out my heart to him?” (Ps. 62:8)
“I have been sick for a while and can get so discouraged. Could you pray that I would be able to turn quickly to Jesus when I feel especially miserable?” (2 Cor. 4:16–18)
“I have been snippy with my spouse over the last few weeks. Could you pray that I live with humility and gentleness as we try to talk about difficult things together?” (Eph. 4:1)
“I have been so frustrated with my daughter to the point where I want respect more than I want to be patient and show kindness to her. Could you pray for me?” (1 Cor. 13:4)
“My department manager has been critical and gruff recently. I don’t know how to even think about this. Do you have any ideas on how I could pray?” (Rom. 12:18)
If you don’t know how to pray, ask others to help you make the connections between your needs and God’s Word.
It is God’s will that we say “help” both to him and to others. As we do, we will take an important step toward being able to help others, since needy, humble helpers are the best helpers. And along the way, we will bless our community and induce others toward being needy, open, and vulnerable.